I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Someone signed my nipple.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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