Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
