I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
