Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
