did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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