the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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