Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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