Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
