Nicole vs. Life
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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