woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
