you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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