Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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