So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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