We're facebook friends in real life
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
