yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
