If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
