I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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