just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
