I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
