i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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