so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
