i already hear my dad disowning me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
is wine microwaveable?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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