I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
