half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i've created a new STD.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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