i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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