i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
