Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
