please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
