Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"