btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
