I need help removing her.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
