Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
