I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
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my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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