not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
