I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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