I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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