You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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