Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
