I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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