i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
