she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
