you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
