Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
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Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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