I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
try to milk me bitch
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
