Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
