Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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