I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
