you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A+ Viking dick
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize