so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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