I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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