So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize