I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
