well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
