Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
