for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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