Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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