You're completely useless in the revolution.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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