Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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