I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
