Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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