Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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