Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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