Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
