I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
