shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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