first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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