my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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