i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
