$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
