closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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