But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
