hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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