im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
