im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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