anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
