Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
