peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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