Will you blow on my dice?
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.