Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.

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  (586): In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson. http://tfl.nu/nef3
  Replies (2) Good night (1478) Bad night (591)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

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  (570): If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid. http://tfl.nu/ujtp
  Replies (16) Good night (822) Bad night (3453)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.

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  (708): I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you. http://tfl.nu/rvgi
  Replies (15) Good night (1713) Bad night (4506)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day

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  (617): started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day http://tfl.nu/20xi
  Replies (14) Good night (8977) Bad night (1324)
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  (707): View more from California

  My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."

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  (707): My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet." http://tfl.nu/s1m4
  Replies (52) Good night (16192) Bad night (1791)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.

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  (860): My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you. http://tfl.nu/g8rz
  Replies (4) Good night (3809) Bad night (1115)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize

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  (727): Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize http://tfl.nu/86pd
  Replies (10) Good night (3883) Bad night (948)
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  (315): View more from New York

  so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese

  (315): View more from New York

  here comes the puke

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  (315): so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese (315): here comes the puke http://tfl.nu/32gj
  Replies (18) Good night (1133) Bad night (4473)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?

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  (316): i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up? http://tfl.nu/ciml
  Replies (25) Good night (1070) Bad night (3263)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.

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  (570): Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well. http://tfl.nu/plf2
  Replies (6) Good night (1409) Bad night (1119)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.

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  (647): I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does. http://tfl.nu/q7vv
  Replies (9) Good night (1454) Bad night (486)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?

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  (832): Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life? http://tfl.nu/p6xv
  Replies (10) Good night (1039) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.

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  (815): You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger. http://tfl.nu/j7zd
  Replies (2) Good night (660) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.

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  (618): I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic. http://tfl.nu/2s9s
  Replies (4) Good night (610) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.

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  (202): Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels. http://tfl.nu/1sci
  Replies (5) Good night (1261) Bad night (455)

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