Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat