yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
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You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
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I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?