I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
