Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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